I hope he saw the tears in my eyes. I hope he realizes they were threatening to fall because of him

Last night could have quite possibly be the worst dance I’ll ever go to. For a while, I just saw Justin, but I finally spotted Eric. I guess it was so bad because I realized, “hey, I have not chance!” Eric has no idea who the hell I am, and everytime I saw him he had 4 or 5 girls all over him. Running their fingers through his hair, trying to get him to dance with them. If he even noticed I was there, he probably didn’t recognize me from Art & PE.

Justin was a different story, but another depressing one. I went out of my way to right beside him on those rare times when he wasn’t dancing with anyone. I know he saw me, but he didn’t see me. His eyes went right through me. I know there was one time when he did see me, I was practically in tears because he was dancing with someone else. I was walking to go outside to go talk to someone or some junk and he was dancing with this blond. I remember walking past him and him seeing me probably really for the first time that night. I hope he saw the tears in my eyes. I hope he realizes they were threatening to fall because of him. But I don’t hope so. Then he would know how I feel. I just hope he felt a twinge of empathy for me. I hope he cared. I hope he wanted to go talk to me, to find out what was wrong. Of course I couldn’t very well tell him it was him. That I loved him. Oh well. He could have anyone he wanted. Why would he want me?!!!

This sad content is in stark contrast with the Lion King themed paper it is written on. Oh, and I bet that 13 year old me did in fact expect them to throw themselves at her feet and worship the ground she walked on. Poor girl.

WHY DO I HAVE TO LIKE THE ONES I CAN’T HAVE!!! I swear-it’s always the same way with me. Always the cute, sweet ones. I wish I could like Jeff, or someone I could have!

Well one good thing came out of the evening. I figured that they weren’t going out. They were dancing with so many different people it’s obvious they weren’t.

I don’t know why I’m so upset. I mean, what did I expect? For them to throw themselves at my feet and worship the ground I walk on? It’s never happened before. I just need to wake up and face reality. I’m not going to get either one of them.

Heartbrokenly yours,
Jennifer Heller