“And how high can you fly with broken wings?”

Last night, I spent the night at M’s. It was fun. I hope the thing with Dave works out. I do. I like him; it’s not just a deal with M anymore. Of course I felt this way about Andy about a year ago. I hope I like him and I don’t just think I do. I’m pretty sure I like him–but I haven’t seen him since–I don’t know when. Awhile ago.

The fair thing is kinda falling apart. Jordan can’t go. Ana might go. HELL! We don’t want to try to find a replacement for Jordan. We’re going 2 see if he can go on Tuesday. So we might be going 2 days after tomorrow, instead the day after tomorrow. I just want the whole thing to get over with. I don’t want Ana 2 go, because though I don’t mind M+N meddling in my personal life, I definately do not want her to! I trust them but she would do more bad than good. Probably, she’d tell Dave that the whole thing is a set up. She’s a bitch! My pink pen does not work! I don’t trust her I don’t want 2 spend a day with her. I’ve had enough of her to last a lifetime. Even if she doesn’t go, the plan with me + Dave isn’t foolproof. There is no foolproof way 2 do it. I hope their plan works. When I was on the phone with Ana today, she said something about feeling sorry 4 me ’cause they’re setting me up with Dave. I’m sorry but if she’d stick 2 her own business, everyone’s lives would be better. Even an old foggie in Japan’s! I’m tired of changing colors It’s pointless.

At this point, 12-year-old Jen stopped changing the ink color every line.

Maybe I should ask him out. Yeah right! Trust me, you’ll get a detailed account of the day! Why do people bother with “he said” & “she said”? Oh, well. We’ve just lost the ability to talk face to face with someone of the opposite sex. Or the same sex if you’re a homo. Does it get any easier? I hope so! I don’t know if I can stand this 4 much longer!

I feel bad 4 Natalie. Her relationship isn’t going so well with Jorday. That’s good for Emily. How can something be good for one person and horrible for another? I wish I knew Jordan really well so I could get his feelings. I hope that when (not if!) I go out with Dave, it’s good 4 both of us. Natalie said I should be more positive so it’s when we go out–not if we go out!

I could take up the rest of this diary with worries about the day at the fair. But, I’m not going to worry about it. Here is a line from Amazing by Aerosmith:

“And I just can’t tell just what tomorrow brings.”

That’s true. I can prepare and go through all the possibilities of what could happen–but what good would that do? Here’s another:

“And how high can you fly with broken wings?”

That makes perfect sense to me. It’s true, right? Think about it.

Well I’m going to fly–I’m going to go out with Dave! I don’t think I have broken wings, but:

“You have to learn to crawl
Before you learn to walk.”

I believe in myself. I’m sure that Dave will like me for what I am–hey, Wes did it right? J.K. If he can’t see what’s on the inside of me it’s not worth it to try and make him. I can just hope and pray.

Please God–

I’m writing this from the bottom of my heart. Let Dave like me + have us go out. PLEASE!