But I guess that’s the way life is. Is that an epiphany?

Originally Written on November 14, 1995
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

It’s been awhile. I’ve gotten kinda caught up in the day to day existence of life. I’m so used to my routine. Some days I just float through school, some days just suck, and some days are cool. But I guess that’s the way life is. Is that an epiphany?

Well two weekends ago sucked. I don’t quite remember what happened. I think I went to a football game. I bet that was fun. I think I had a kinda boring weekend.

Bryan hasn’t shut up about Julian. And he’s decided that he’ll hold it over my head that he’s going to tell him. It doesn’t matter anymore, Julian knows. I’ve decided that. He like, avoids me. Not that he ever didn’t. But I know he knows. It’ll be ok. I guess. I just didn’t want him to know. It’s all just a fantasy. (Here comes an epiphany!) Continue Reading

Yep, I started to swear.

Originally Written on December 1, 1992
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I’d taken up swearing with many many underlines even!

It’s awful in band. Ana is so terrible. I can’t describe it in words. She is the biggest bitch in the world.

Yep, I started to swear. Whenever I swear someone says Oh wow I can’t believe it. Jennifers swearing. Continue Reading

I kick her. She punches me in the stomach. I should have hit her with my flute.

Originally Written on December 2, 1992
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

In Health I insult Leah.  In band she kicks me.  I kick her.  She punches me in the stomach.  I should have hit her with my flute.

On the phone me and Jennie made up a really mean letter.  I’m going to send it, too.

Jennie got these hella cool stickers.  They’re stars and moons and planets.  They cost five bucks, but I have got to get some.  They are hella HELLA Cool.  Her room was like outer space.

Glow in the dark stickers. What every 11 year old girl is actually consumed with.

I have to get second chair in band.  I can get any chair as long as it’s above Leah’s.  If I don’t I’ll cry.  Right there.  In front of everyone.  I will cry. Continue Reading

I’m pretty comfortable with guys. But still they tell me I’m blushing.

Originally Written on April 5, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I am popular. I think. I’ve spent the past 4 days entirely with Becky. After tonight I feel closer to her than I have ever felt.

I called a guy. Roger. It was cool. Not hard at all; not like I thought. He’s going out with Alexis. What does she have that I don’t? I’ve liked him all year. Now I have self confidence though.

We’re just friends. Roger want kiss Alexis. Alexis told him that she’d slap him if he tryed so Roger won’t kiss even hug hug him.

I’m getting a C+ in PE. I never thought I’d stoop so low. The thing was I didn’t even care. Continue Reading

Todays topic is our group and why or why not they can’t go on a group outing to the mall

Originally Written on April 20, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Todays topic is our group and why or why not they can’t go on a group outing to the mall:

Emily: 1/2 the time she’s not allowed to + the other 1/2 of the time she’s busy/grounded.

Alex: doesn’t want to

Alexis: isn’t allowed to

Christy: NEVER will be cool enough to

Leena: Who knows.

That leaves Becky + me. Will we be stuck doing everything by ourselves. Not that I mind but I wish more people would come.

Based on the size of my handwriting, I would have predicted a stronger reaction to being stuck going to the mall with Becky all the time.

Continue Reading

All of my feelings look stupid on paper.

Originally Written on May 19, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I haven’t done my homework in ages. I’m afraid I’m turning into Becky, never doing my homework on time.

Today I stayed home from school. I needed the rest.

Last night I was totally stressed about a history test today. It was open book! Oh, well.

All of my feelings look stupid on paper.

I don’t know who I like. There are a couple people I might like. O.K. for one? I’m not sure if I like Z.S. Ana says he says I’m a bitch. He told me Ana was a bitch. Oh, well. I just think he’s an ass. But I like him. Sort of. I don’t know.

Erica says O.K. likes me. I don’t know. He used to flirt with me. Not anymore though. Oh, well.

Do I like O.K.? I don’t think so.

Do you notice how all of a sudden I’m using initials to refer to my crushes?

The next page is folded in half with the label “Nobody ever open!” Lucky for us, I don’t respect 11-year-old me’s wishes much.

They are initials backwards!!! Such a complicated key just to disguise the crushes I’m not sure I had.

On to a more cheerful subject. If I can find one. Continue Reading