Wed 9-21-94

Today could very well be my worst day yet in the eighth grade. I was basically depressed all day. But P.E. really did it. I was pretty depressed when I got to P.E. Right off, I noticed that Emily C. was dancing with Dave for the second time in a row. Well that didn’t bother me that much. I don’t like Dave anymore, right? Yeah, sure.

Well I asked some guy to be my partner. Well, we asked each other. He looked familiar; I knew he was in my grade. Well, he turned out to be a great dancer. I consider myself to be a pretty good dancer, but I was really nervous dancing with him. I really wanted to ask him to be my partner for the dance contest, or at least I wanted someone good like him for my partner, but I didn’t ask. He was very good and I don’t know how good I am so I didn’t ask. Well, the P.E. teachers had the people entering the dance contest on one side of the gym and the rest on the other.

Well, I glanced over and noticed Dave and Emily on the side with the people entering. That pounded another stake in my heart. A while later, Jenny L., runs over to my partner and asked him to be her friend’s partner in the contest. I know it didn’t matter but when he just upped and left like that my heart fell to the sweaty gym floor, and shattered in to thousands of tiny fragments. I don’t know why it hurts so. I guess it was, or I’m judging it as just another rejection to add to my list. I know it doesn’t matter, but it hurts, it really does. Badly. I hoped he’d come up after class and apologize or something but he didn’t. And I guess in my heart I knew he wouldn’t. I mean to him, I’m just another dance partner. He’s had quite a few. I’m just another face in the crowd. Nobody special.

Rejectedly yours,

Jennifer Heller

P.S.: I’m so depressed and hurt

Sun 9-18-94

Do you notice how at the beginning of each entry I write really, or kinda neat and by the end it’s barely legible at all?

Guess what? I don’t like Dave anymore. I decided that. It’s easy to decide things like that when you aren’t seeing the person. Well we’ll see tomorrow.

Yesterday, Em, Nat, Katie and I went to the mall. It was a blast.

I’m rather scared about tomorrow and what will happen to the cool group. I hope we’ll eat together. But I guess it’s up to the guys. Dave will stick around whether or not they do. Goody!

Well, we’ll see what happens.

I Love <3 ??

Jennifer Heller

Only time will tell…

Well, my second friday in the school year, and the cool group broke apart. Yes, Jordan dumped, or rather broke up with Nat at lunch, and Emily dumped, and I do mean dumped, Doug during the break between 7th and 8th period. I knew M was going to dump him, but I had no clue Jordan was going to dump Nat. I didn’t even find out about it till after school.

I really hope this doesn’t break

the cool group apart. It’s scary though. I really think Dave likes Nat and now she’s free. Nothing can stop him. I don’t know why Jordan dumped Nat, though. I really want to know.

I danced with Dave in P.E. I don’t know if I still like him, but it kinda hurts to terminate the interest I haven’t liked someone for that long in so long. I mean, I’ve liked him all summer. But I don’t even know if I ever did. I also realize that there’s not much hope for even a friendship with him. We really don’t have anything in common.

But you know what’s ironic? How both couples were destroyed today. And with all the prank phone calls, I have to wonder if maybe the phone calls had some power over us and made M dump Doug and Joe dump Nat. Well, now I’m thinking like my life is a horror story, which it ain’t. But I really hope the cool group stays together and that I can stop liking DAve.

Depressedly yours,

Jennifer Heller

Oh yeah. It says that.

You will not believe what’s been going on! Natalie walked in the door after school and recieved a phone call from Jordan, dumping her. Yeah right! Then later Em got a phone call from Joe P. who told her that Doug wanted to kiss her.

Well, M called me after Joe called her and told me as she was telling me, she realized that Joe P. sounded like Jeremy L. So we think we know who did it! I just can’t believe that he has such a non-existant life that he has to screw M’s, Doug’s, Nat & Jordan’s!

Playing the tuba was cool!

Love,

Jennifer Heller

Today before school, Doug asked Natalie if she knew why M dumped him. I was there. Nat and I were thouroughly confused and we questioned him. He said that last night, M called him & dumped him. I was hurt because Em hadn’t talked to me about it

Not to worry, folks. 8th grade me is on the case.

Well after advise. I talk to M and she denies doing it. It was really wierd. At lunch we asked everyone where they were at 4:30 yesterday afternoon which is when the call took place. Everyone denied it. After school M tells me about how Becki R.’s mom got a phone call from a person, a girl, who wanted to talk to Becki so they could get Doug’s #! Well, I had it all figured out. I figured it was Ana. It all fit. But then tonight, Em got a call from Joe P. who told her to call Doug. He claimed to be one of Doug’s friends. M called Doug and yep, that’s right, Doug doesn’t know any such person. Now I’m not so sure that Ana did it. I’m just confused. Who would want to mess with M’s life like that? At first I thought that someone liked Doug or M and wanted to break them up, but now, after the second phone call, I have no idea!

Nothing’s been happening in my life. Jordan and I are a lot better friends now. He’s a loner in P.E., and sometimes, I’ll go talk to him, or he’ll come talk to me. I’m not very good friends with Doug though. He’s kinda withdrawn. He doesn’t get hyper like us. We’ve all been eating together. Dave steals food from everyone. He stole Nat’s whole lunch, so he bought her some skittles. That scared me.

Taste that terrifying rainbow!

If he’s buying her skittles, that could mean he’s just plain guilty or he really likes her. Then there’s Katie. He’s always taking things out of her backpack and it makes me suspicious. I’m not even sure if I like Dave though. I’m positive he doesn’t like me. Dave & I basically ignore each other in P.E. We might as well be in different periods. I need to find someone to fall in <3 with. At lunch, I was sitting next to a guy who was cute. I have no idea who in the hell he was. In fact, I don’t know who in the hell any of the people who eat with us are. There’s just too many! I don’t like it. I wish it was just the six of us and a few more. But, since everyone has the same lunch, the group fills up to two tables. Mostly girls. It’s like 6 guys to 15-20 girls. Which isn’t good, since Dave flirts with every one of them. Oh well. I got my picture taken today, and tomorrow, I get to try out the tuba at lunch! That’ll be cool.

8th grade me putting her second year of French to good use.

Au revoir,

Jennifer Heller

(I hope you can read this)

Lunch is different. It’s wierd with everyone together. Dave, Doug & Jordan are eating with us. Jordan is in my Language Arts & P.E. classes.

Back to lunch. Natalie asked if she could talk to me, but I regret to say that I was a bad friend and didn’t. I thought she wanted to talk about Dave and I, when she wanted to talk about her and Jordan. Later I saw Em and her talking alone. I walked over to see what was going on. Em basically told me to butt out. I felt a surge of hurt and anger run through me. Emily told me that she would tell me everything she said later. I said that I didn’t want to hear it from her and pushed her, since that’s what we’ve been doing. I meant it to be a joking gesture but I guess when I’m hurt, I’m a lot stronger than normal. She said that it hurt, pushed me back angrily and told me to get lost.

Then, after school, she pretends nothing happened. I decided not to call either of them although I really need to pour out my heart to someone. Who can you talk to when both of your best friends hurt you?!

My art class is hell. Do you know what it’s like to be in a class where there are only six girls and you don’t know anyone really well? Or to be in a health class where your teacher treats you like a teachers pet wants you to TA for her? Well it’s hell. I also don’t know anyone in my health class but Mrs. Forbes had me work with Pat S. I was supposed to do the last 15 questions and he do the first 15. He had them finished. Mrs. Forbes had us work together after I had already done the first 10. I felt like an imbisol because I was only on 20 and he had the first 15 done. I barely know anyone in my P.E. class except for Emily C, Jordan and Dave. Michael S. is in it, but he doesn’t count. My love life is going nowhere and it doesn’t help having Michael S. rubbing it in every P.E. period.

I realize now that Dave has eyes only for Natalie and that if he ever looked beyond Natalie I probably wouldn’t even be considered a friend.

I really need to talk to someone. I’m ready to burst out crying any second. Erika never returned my call and both my best friends, well, I can’t talk to them about them. And I’m sick of Emily’s insults. OK, so they’re not meant to be insults, but they come out as insults. I really don’t mind the jokes but it’s just everyday things that she says. I swear, I wish I was somewhere else just floating on a wonderful lake without a care in the world.

Tearfully yours,

Jennifer Heller

(Jennifer Heller, soon to be in Guiness Book of World Records for getting the oldest in the world without a boyfriend)

I would have been in good company.

I didn’t sleep much last night. I guess I made it out to be worse than it really was. The day wasn’t wonderful, but it went well. I think I can make this year a good one.

I’m not sure if I ever liked Dave. And I didn’t fall in love today (unfortunately!). Maybe tomorrow. (Yeah right)

It was really wierd going back to school

Bye,

Jennifer G. Heller

The pool party was a lot of fun. That sounds corny. I meant that it was hella fun. Predictions say that the world is ending today. I don’t think it’s going to happen. So this party was the End of Summer & End of The World Party.

I don’t know if I like Dave anymore. I was looking at him in the beginning of the party, and I realized that the only feelings I have for him are ones of a good friend. But those feelings could have been because of the feelings around at the time. I don’t know. Well, I’ll see him tomorrow and very often until June 17 of 1995. I think I can figure out my feelings by then. (That was to be read with sarcasticness)

I can’t believe school starts TOMORROW! I just don’t believe it. Today was so great, I just want to repeat it over and over again. I know I can’t though.

I’m just praying that my eighth grade year is my best yet!

Now, I’m going to fill you in on the details of the party. (no sense) O.K., well, for starts, Natalie told us (Em+me) about a dream she had yesterday. She told us on the phone yesterday. I’ll cut to the chase. She (in her dream) overheard a girl ask Jordan if he had something stuck in his eye yet. Nat knew that when he said that, it meant that he and her would go down and make out. So, all afternoon, Em, Nat and I would ask the guys if they had something stuck in their eye yet. The guys just looked at us in bewilderment. It was hilarious.

Dave was pretty down the whole party so Em + I told him his feet stank a few times. Last night, I read a book that said that this girl asked her best friend if her feet stank whenever she (the friend) was down. It was so stupid yet it always made her smile. So Dave cracked a smile when we said it though he had no idea why we did.

Dave kept pushing me and everyone else in to the pool. Jordan or Doug would come to the rescue if their girlfriend was pushed in. It kinda made me a little jealous.

I think the reason Dave was kinda down was because he didn’t like seeing Nat + Jordan together. It’s just an assumption, though. I’m not going to dwell on it though.

I still can’t believe I have to go to school tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Luv always,

Jennifer G. Heller, 8th grader as of tomorrow.

Howdy Dudey! Natalie’s pool party is tomorrow. Emily is over. DAVE IS IN MY P.E. CLASS!!! I know that there’s really nothing wrong with that. Hey, if he doesn’t know anyone in the class and neither do I, we could hang out together all year.

The magic eight ball said that Dave likse Natalie and that Natalie likes Dave. The magic eight ball also just informed me that I’ll go out with Dave. I hope so! Wait, it changed it’s mind. Oh well. I don’t believe it anyway.

Everyone is coming tomorrow. I’m glad.

But, after tomorrow, comes THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL! I went to Target today and I got two hella cute vests! I really hope this year is the best yet.

All weekend I worked on rearranging my room. It is really clean and the new way the furniture is positioned is so cool. The floor is spotless, except 4 Emily who is taking up a lot of it. That was pointless, huh? Erika is back and we have 0, zero classes together. Oh well.

I finished my black + white swimsuit a few days ago, and I’m wearing it tomorrow.

Wish me luck 4 tomorrow,
Jennifer Heller

(Jennifer G.H. Heller, prospective serial killer if nothing changes in her <3 life)

Oh yes, she went there!