Bonsoir! Tonight I had to call Amy, Becky, Erika G, and Jenny. It was so wierd talking to Amy on the phone. Here I was talking to the person I’d give anything to be better-than-acquaintences with and I was uncomfortable. Talking to Becki was cool though, she’s so sweet!
No improvements in me and Andrew. I don’t think I like him anymore but I might. Last night I had something like a mental breakdown. I was crying and my mom wasn’t someone I could talk to about it.
Au revoir!
Today Emily asked Andrew if he liked me. He said “no!” Worse yet he said it with scorn! The thing is that I’m to shaken to be upset. I’m still trying to believe he said no! He wasn’t in my dreams. Well, yes he was. The thing is I don’t even know what his face looks like! Can you like a guy if you don’t remember what they look like? Now he knows I like him. Well, he doesn’t know exactly, but he can figure it out. He’s smart.
I’m homesick today. Cool huh? NOT! I have the biggest headache in the whole world. Last night I had something close to a mental break-down. Last night I dreamed about Andrew C. I didn’t like the dream cause even though we were going out Andrew C. also liked Emily. Not good. Tonight I’m going ice-skating. I love to ice skate. It just lets me forget all of my problems.
I hate the fucking crap out of Ana. I hate her more than Emily hates Jennifer M. for going out with Jeff. I’m just glad Andrew C. isn’t going out with anybody.
Today after science Andrew goes to the six-hundred building and I go to band. Anyway Andrew was getting pushed around by his usual friends (the cliche) I (of course) was watching him. I had been watching him for about two seconds and he looked at me! Our eyes met and it was wonderful! Too bad it was only for a few seconds, though!
I’m in Love
Note how I switched to pink ink for “I’m in Love” and followed it by a flock of floating hearts.
PS: Ana likes Jeff M! (geek alert! beep, beep!)
I’m so confused. I really like Andrew C. Last year he liked me. Does he still? I hope he does. Ana is such a BITCH! I hate her more than words can express. I wish she would curl up and die. I swear I do. I would not be sad in the lesat bit if she died. Except maybe cause I didn’t have the chance to kill her!
Erica G. said that she heard two people that she didn’t know very well talking about my liking Andy. This was in the beg. of the school year. I wonder who? Erica knows most of my friends, so…
Alexis said that my liking Andy was “old news.” What is that supposed to mean? Really! She shouldn’t talk, though. She likes Steve M. You know that already, huh? Oh, well. Nicole H. is going out with Tyson B., who is the most popular guy at PMS. I see them before lunch, Frenching! Today I learned (From Ana who wasn’t supposed to tell) that she likes Kevin Spinner! After the boyfriend she has Kevin (Geek alert!) would be a major dissapointment.
Emily gave me her monkey stuffed animal. That was nice of her! She’s been a real friend lately.
Today in French I went over to talk to Emily as I always do. Michael H. tells me to go back to my seat sort of teasingly. A little while later he came over while Emily and Alexis were at my desk. Michael came over and sorta leaned over from behind my desk. It was weird ‘cause I could feel his breath against my neck. I find myself wondering, if that’s what’s having a boyfriend is like. Having someone near you of the opposite sex. While he was there I got this…feeling, a feeling like this is right. A feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Alexis says that diarys are too private to be shared. She never even let her best friend read it! Hers must be really private.
Today after school I wanted to find out who Alexis likes, so I went to talk to Mike H. After today, I don’t know why I did, but…He was with the clique, as usual. I bravadoly asked him what period Math he had. Anyway, by talking to Amy I found out Alexis likes Steve Munroe. A show of bravado, since I hate talking with people in in the cliche. Sepretely they’re ok, but together I can’t deal with. What a day.
Alexis spends all block with Billy, her “friend.” I know they like eachother. She describes Billy as “a better friend than Jennifer.” It feels weird to have her always talking with him and his friends. They’re all geeky! It feels like I’m losing a not-very-good friend.
I still like Andy. He’s so strange around me, though. The second me and Ana get there he leaves our table. It’s weird. So weird. He’s going out with Alyssia.
Today I brought my Gap Babie bear to school (it was stuffed animal day) who I named Mr. Bad Haircut after Andrew C. Ana kept telling people that he as named after Andrew C. I hate her guts! She is such a BITCH!!!
I could kill her. And me and Emily are planning revenge! I cannot express how angry I am. Lucky thing I told her I was just kidding about liking Andrew C. I will never forgive Ana, for everything she’s done.
I really hate 4th period lunch! It sucks! I also hate Tanya. She acts like a les, always grabbing my hand. She is also very annoying! She talks and talks, all the while grabbing my arm, and not letting go. When I squirm to get out of her grip, she giggles and grabs on again! Fuck her! By the time block comes around I feel like killing whoever is around!
When I found this homophobic statement in my diary I was shocked. Then I remembered the reality of college when I first met my wonderful friends who identify as gay, lesbian, bi-sexual or transgender. I grew up sheltered in suburbia, and I believe these statements are testament to how easily young people can be led astray just by a lack of exposure to alternative lifestyles.
Last Friday we had the welcome back under the sea dance (dumb name). I spent the whole time finding Jeff for Emily to dance with. It was fun, but I felt like crying! The whole time not single guy asked me to dance! Why don’t guys like me? I’m not ugly, I know that. Ashley B. is totally popular with guys and she’s flat. Like me. Is it my freckles? I wonder. Yesterday Alexis said James K. like me. I’ve liked him for about a week, but last night I made it official. I named a teddy bear after him.
Seriously??? omg.
Alexis and Ana say he’s a jerk. He’s nice to me. At Emily’s birthday party on Sunday Erica said Steve W. was a jerk. I said that he wasn’t and so on. The thing that bugged me is that he’s not a jerk! He’s really nice. Erica just saw the bad side of him. Steve is really, really nice and I may even like him. Maybe. Not right now.
Now I like James and Andrew C. Andrew liked me last year (says Alyssia) speaking of Alyssia, she’s been coming on to Jeff, which bugs Emily like crazy! Another thing that pissed me off at Erica also happened at the party. She said I wasn’t sorry. I said that maybe she didn’t know me too well. That pissed her off and I was po’ed ‘cause she’s making judgments. Alexis and me have a fight daily – It bugs. Not one day this year have we not had a fight.
See you later.
Fuck Jessica and Christy! You would not believe what they did! Emily and I met after school, right? We head towards the band room. We pick up our flutes and go to the spot on the lawn where Jessica, Christy and I wait for the person who is picking up to pick up. Anyway Jessica and Christy should have been right behind us. Emily waited w/me for awhile.
