School’s cool. I get to see all my friends and I get to socialize. I don’t even mind the tests.

Originally Written on June 12, 1994
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

As you can see, I’ve trid to write before. But I’ve just been too busy. There has been a lot going on. So, I’ll start at the beginning of the mad rush of stuff. Last Friday night – the 3rd was Nikki N’s party. I wasn’t sure if I was going to go to it because she’s a rocker and I’m not. But I went and I danced with her brother, he’s in 6th grade – named Ricky 4 times. I danced 3 slow and 1 fast as well as 2 slow with other peoples.

I was really uncomfortable for most of the party. Melissa L. kept telling me to ask Ricky out. Now Ricky is sweet but he’s ugly and annoying. I didn’t want to go out with him. But I survived that evening.

On Saturday I signed up for the future stars competition which is taking place tomorrow! I’m soooooo nervous!

Nothing happened on Sunday, I think. I was afraid Ricky would ask me out on Mon but he didn’t.

Nothing happened Tues but Wed. was the band concert! We played Canto and I had to play the gong! I only missed two gongs! I’m so happy and proud of myself. After the concert, Jordan talked to me, and it was like I had been accepted into their little circle. Not completely but on Thurs Jordan bopped me on the head with his rolled up poster. I can see why Emily likes him but I could never.

I’m afraid I am starting to like Andy (AGAIN!) I don’t know. It was like Wed. or Thurs. and he was coming up to our row in Science. He sit next to Lina. Anyway our eyes met and it was really wierd. In that second I got this feeling that I like him. I haven’t been able to shake that feeling, try as I might. Fri night I went camping so I had to miss my skating lessons on Sat. But I sat, starring at the starry sky, trying to short my thoughts and feelings. I haven’t figured out my feelings yet. I know it’s stupid to like a guy in the happy group because I don’t have a chance with them.

On Fri, Nikki in PE told me that Rikky wanted to go out w/ me. In French, I told Nikki that I wouldn’t. I know I made the right decision because I don’t like him, but this was a chance for me to finally have a boyfriend. I know that guys can like me, because he asked me out.

At the awards ceremony for Band, Fri. afternoon, Andy won for best lashes and he got a tube of mascara. And he does have the best lashes. They’re long and thick and gorgeous! They belong on a girl. But I can’t like him! I’m tired of liking guys I don’t have a chance with. But he is single. I could ask him out but that would be stupid. I just need to sort out my feelings for him. He’s nice though. Annoying but nice. He’s always singing, and, oh, his lashes are wonderful! But I already talked about those.

I’m soooooooo infinity os nervous! I can’t believe the competition is tomorrow! I want to win soooo bad! But I’m up against this one girl that I saw at the rink today. She’s in my class, and she’s halla good. All I can hope is that I’m not giving myself enough credit or that she falls flat on her butt. I’m also up against this sucky girl, so I can at least beat her. I hope! Please, God, help me! I want to win sooooooo bad! And I will. I choose my divine blueprint.

I really don’t want school to end. When school ends then I’m stuck alone in summer. School’s cool. I get to see all my friends and I get to socialize. I don’t even mind the tests. I wish it didn’t have to end. It’s amazing that it has been almost a year since Becky has moved. The end of the year brings back so many memories of her. I wish she hadn’t moved.

So far there is only one cuss word in it and hell’s a place not a thing.

Originally Written on June 1, 1994
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I’ve been busy. I can’t seem to stop writing this book- I think I’ll actually do it this time. I’m going to get it published and everything. I can’t figure out what the title should be though. Today I gave lots of people copies of it so they could edit it. I haven’t made any of the changes yet- but it’s like they’re adopting my story. I might as well say it’s by Jennifer Hellers friends. I know i really need their input and believe I apreciate- but I’m not going to change a lot. I’ll think about what they think and if they think one part sucks I’ll improve it. But I’m not adding anything that isn’t my own words. So far there is only one cuss word in it and hell’s a place not a thing.

Ciao! (Chow!)

It was so NIFTY! That’s our new word! Boy am I tired.

Originally Written on May 26, 1994
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Today was the GATE trip to the tidepools. It was cool but I’m SO tired! We had to be at school at 3:30 AM! I had a wee bit of trouble getting up. We left the school about 5 to 4 and arrived in Half Moon Bay about 5 or so. I was in the same group as Ana. We went out to the kelp covered rocks and slipped and slided around looking for marine life. My feet were so cold…I swear I was afraid of frost bite. By the end of the tidepooling part of the field trip I was up to my knees in water. The bottom half of my legs was numb. Swear it took hours afterwards to get the feeling back into them. A group of us me, Ana, Natalie, Katie, Pat S., and Chris B. built a total nifty sand castle. It was so NIFTY! That’s our new word! Boy am I tired. I can hardly believe it was this morning that we left. It feels like days ago.

You will never believe what I’m doing. I’m on chapter 4 but I think I need to lengthen the chapters. It started out being a

I keep hoping that some new guy will come tomorrow and I’ll immediately love him and he’ll immediately love me- time won’t exist only our love will exist.

Originally Written on May 23, 1994
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Whenever I start a new diary (even though it’s only my 3rd one) I feel as though time passes too quickly. Well I feel that way now.

Everyone at school is making a big deal about how there’s only 17 ½ days of school left. I don’t want school to end. When it ends it means another year has passed. Summer comes and I never see anyone anymore. I’m hoping this summer will be different. Christy lives close (L.) so I am hoping I will be seeing a lot of her. Becky and I only had one real summer together- the summer between the 5th and 6th grade. Becky and I were inseperable.

I wish my friends lived closer. I have a feeling the public buses are going to get a lot of use this summer! Soon we’ll be getting our yearbooks and then the memories of last year will come rushing back like the cascade of a giant waterfall.

Seriously, the acronym for my middle school was “P.M.S.”

I’ve had two pretty good years at PMS. I dont want this school year to end partly because at the beginning of the school year I promised myself I’d go out with someone by the end of the year. Sure, everyone says they’ll set me up w/ someone but it never happens and I don’t want to be set up with someone. I want him to ask me out, not someone saying, “oh, by the way you’re going out with so and so.”

Although I would not mind that maybe even like that part of me doesn’t want it to happen that way while another part screams, “Go for it!” “Let them set you up!” I wish I could find someone to like. Anyone-I keep hoping that some new guy will come tomorrow and I’ll immediately love him and he’ll immediately love me- time won’t exist only our love will exist. We’ll spend all summer together-no barriers are strong enough to keep us apart. Well I am dreaming but I think thats the only way it’ll happen. Oh well life goes on. I think I’ll just keep daydreaming…

Our two hearts are entwined in love (now I guess we’re older) Nothing can stop us now. Except the move. The parental units are making us move to Switzerland. I beg, I plea- they’re mind is made up! It seems to be our destiny to live a long distance love. No more nightly walks or goodnight kisses. Deep into Misery The moving van takes off with our car right behind it. There I sit until I realize that there is no way I can leave him behind. I jump out of the speeding car (I’ve always wanted to do that) and run into his arms-safe, protected.

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