Last night was the dance. I would have written last night but I was at Alexis’ house and I needed some time to sort out my feelings.

I had a great time. 3 is the charm! I was hopeful about dancing w/ Mike, but I was having a great time. About the 7th or 8th slow song, Jeff asked me to dance. We didn’t dance the whole song, but everyone was laughing. For the last dances I hung around in a great big group of people including Kerry R., Robbie, Alexis, Cassie, Danielle P., and more. We were right near the cliche and it seemed like I was having a better time that they were. They’re to exclusive. The DJ did snowball, where every time he says snowball you change dance partners. He did it to Gangsta Lean. I was standing right near Mike, but he didn’t ask me to dance! Why do I have to like a shy guy?

I told Tamara I liked Mike, and the very next slow song she decided I was going to dance with him. She went up to him and asked him if he’d dance with me. He said yes, if he knew who I was! I hope he was either playing dumb or couldn’t hear my name clearly. Tamara pointed me out and dragged him over to me. I gave Tamara what I hope looked like a bewildered glance, and then looked at Mike. We looked at each other for a few seconds then I shrugged and so did he. I put my arms around his neck; he put his arms around my waist and the song ended! It’s funny, I swear. The few seconds we were dancing weren’t wonderful as I had hoped. They were dissapointing! When the song ended, he yelled “yes” threw his hands up in the arm in a Y and headed to the cliche. He acted as if he didn’t want to dance w/ me. Did he?

I also danced with some guy Jeff set me up w/.

Alexis started to cry sometime during the dance; Ana joined her. Alexis was cring because the only people she danced with wrere Mark Miscelli and Keorber. She was also crying because Jeff had asked every single girl around her to dance, but not her; how mean! Ana was crying because she wanted to dance w/ anyone. The climax of the evening came when Alexis and Jeff were outside talking. When they came back in they were both crying! It was a funny sight to see Jeff crying! I don’t mean to be harsh but it was! Jeff was crying because he thought Alexis hated him. He and Alexis danced the last dance, and you couldn’t wedge a CD in between them.

You know, I’ve been thinking that maybe it might bot be that great to be in the cliche. Sure, you have a dance partner every dance but think how Amy must feel! She never dances w/ anyone outside the cliche! That, in my opinion, is even worse than never dancing at all. She and Mike danced a few times.

People who know I like Mike

OH NO!!!!

Emily,
Ana,
Alexis,
Natalie,
Tamara,
Cassie
Someone I don’t even know! Continue Reading

Alexis and I are friends again.

Wait, seriously?? The last three weeks have been filled with anti-Alexis rants and all we get is “Alexis and I are friends again”??

Tomorrow night is the dance, and I’m going! I don’t know if I’ll have fun or not but I’m willing to take that risk. Alexis and I are carpooling and then I’m going to spend the night at her house. I hope we don’t fight.

After school I called Emily, to tell her that Christy wasn’t going to the dance. Wonderful News! Emily isn’t going either. Emily didn’t seem to want to talk to me. I understand that she’s sick but it seems like she’s mad at me. I sensed our friendship getting rocky awhile ago but now that she’s absent, every time I call her she doesn’t seem to want to talk to me. I haven’t seen her all week and I would like to know what is going on with her. She doesn’t seem to want to know what’s going on with me, though. I hope she still cares…

I don’t know what to wear to the dance! It’s formal. Geuss what it’s called! The “Winter Wonderland Dance.” Corny! Who come’s up with these names?

I miss Becky. I always could count on her. She and I were always fighting but it never lasted. She always let me know if she was mad. Is Emily mad? Continue Reading

God, I don’t know. I don’t want to go to the dance, but I want to go to the dance. If I go, I don’t know who I’ll hang out with. Emily probably isn’t going ’cause she’s sick. I don’t want to hand around w/ Ana + Alexis. I suppose I’ll go afterall the third’s the charm. Maybe I’ll actually have fun at this one. I pray…

I geuss I’m having a sort of identity crisis. I mean, I know who I am, but I don’t know who my friends are. Is that an identity crisis. Cassie’s my friend, but whenever Alexis comes near, she just pulls all of Cassies attention away from me. Alexis is a BITCH! Even Ana, who is supposed to be on Alexis’ side is getting annoyed w/ Alexis. Poor Alexis I just feel so sorry for her. NOT! In band I was ready to makeup w/ her. The feeling has passed, thank god! I just hate fight with her or anyone. Fighting SUCKS!

It’s WW2 around here. Alexis is being nice to me and I’m being nice back but we hate each other!

If Alexis were president, everyone would be fighting all the time. We would probably be up to WW1,621 by now. I swear, she has to be right! All the time! Continue Reading

I’m so confused. Today I had the gate field trip to Berkeley. On the way there, I was sitting behind Chan, Scott, and Andy (and to the side, Chan was sitting sideways in his seat for the way there. I happened to look at him a few times and I realized I still like him. We made eye-contact a few times but it wasn’t like before when I really liked him.

Sitting in the seat behind + to the side of us was Tony F. and a hella fine black dude. When this was happening I still thought Jenell L. was going out w/ Tony (I later found out that Jennel dumped Tony). About 5/6 ways through the ride, Tony and the black dude traded seats w/ the guys were sitting in the seat next to us (me, Ana, Natalie). When Tony moved he said “hi” to me. (Tony is cute) I wonder why they moved!

The whole trip was pretty uneventful until the way back. We had to get in line to board the bus and we were in the end, so we didn’t get in our own seat. I ended up sitting with Jessica and Kristen N. I was on the end, so my butt was sliding off the seat. After I sat down, I realized that the seat next to me had Chan, Scott and Amy. Chan was on the side near me and I’ll bet his butt was sliding off too! So, for the whole ride my knee and calf was touching his! It was so nerve-wreaking!

HOW can I like him again? I still like Mike, Robbie and Kevin! I caught Chan looking at me a few times… Maybe its just that I used to like him so now I just think I like him. Help!

Ana asked Steve W. out! Continue Reading

This morning I lied to Mrs. J again. She wanted to see that my PE shirt was labeled, it wasn’t. It was just as embarressing as the first time, and that wasn’t even the worst of it. While I was changing, Mrs. J said she wanted to see me. I had played golie, and I really sucked. When I went to go see Mrs. J, she said that 2, I repeat 2 people said that I wasn’t trying my hardest. One of these people was on my team the other wasn’t. I know who one of the people was. Well, I think I know who it was. It was probably that bitch with the black short hair. She started acting totally guilty yesterday. I HATE her. I don’t really hate Mrs. J. she’s just confused and doesn’t know what to do. I wish she’d believe me. She probably hates me because I lied. All day, I was about to cry. I’m going to see a counselor tomorrow about a class change. Now I’m on Ashley G’s team. I’ll bet my last team wanted to win so badly they kicked me off. I HATE them. Except Denise I. I knew her in 4th grade and I know she remembers me. I hope she has had nothing to do with this plan of theirs.

What a day! Mike was absent. In Science I did my presentation. I was really nervous. Mr. Rose didn’t go in any particular order so when he called my name, I wasn’t expecting it. I didn’t speak loud enough, so Mr. Rose was always telling me to speak louder. When I finished people clapped. I mean they actually clapped. The funny thing is that I don’t remember them clapping for anyone else. Lord, I wish I had paid more attention. It made me so nervous that they clapped. I don’t know why.

Alexis wasn’t especially bitchy today. I don’t see her at all until block. You know, when I stopped eating w/ them I lost all my connections to guys. Earlier in the year I was always talking to some guy. Whether it was Billy or Dave S. or Jeff. I kind of wish I was still in that part of our group. What group? There isn’t a group. There are a bunch of people that eat lunch near each other but no “group”. I kinda like it better this way, I just walk from place to place with different people. I just wish I was welcome in the little group that Ana, Alexis, and Natalie seem to have formed.

Robbie likes Keri R. I mean, she’s nice, and all, but they’re going to go out. I can’t help but to be jealous: I was talking to him in block, (Yipeeeeeee) and he said that he won’t ask Keri out ’cause Kelly H. (the bitch) likes him and it would be uncomfortable. For some reason, I found myself telling him to ask her out. I geuss I’d rather have him be happy and me miserable, then him miserable and me miserable. She might say no, but she’ll probably say yes. Continue Reading

Hi! I’m sitting around with Emily. I HATE Alexis.

Yesterday at Natalie’s b-day party, I had a great time. Alexis wasn’t being especially bitchy or anything. She was just acting sort of… well I geuss you could say she was ignoring me, but she did try to talk to me a few times. She was doing a pretty good job of acting like it was okay between us until we were on out way home from the movie theatre. Erika H. called me some stupid name and I turned my head upside down so I could see her in the seat behind me. Alexis was also sitting behind me. From my position, (upside-down) I could see both Erika and Alexis. I glanced at Alexis and for the split second I was watching her, I saw that she was glaring at me. I swear, her eyes were narrowed and her lips were puckered up. I think she’s capable of doing anything when she’s that mad!

I wonder what I’d say if Mike would ask me out. Of course I’d say yes but how? I don’t want to act totally deperate by jumping for it. Then again, I don’t want to act like it’s no big deal because it is! Continue Reading

HAPPY Thanksgiving!

I wonder what it would be like to have a boyfriend. I mean, would he walk with you to your classes? Would he give you a hug when you leave each other? God, I hope so. I’ve never been hugged by a guy. That’s because I have no real guy friends. I have some but not good friends.

Dad gave me the stereo system that was in the Computer Room. I asked for it last night, but I wasn’t serious. Now I have it! It’s so much nicer than the old little one I had before.

Tomorrow’s Natalie’s party. I hope Alexis isn’t a bitch. She will be anyway, since it’s her natural behaviour. She come from a long line of bitches. I bet her mom’s a bitch, her gradma’s a bitch and so on. I’ll bet.

I was thinking that one time when me and Alexis are going to have a really big fight, I’ll have to me going out w/ Mike for more than two weeks. That way I can say, “At least I can keep my boyfriends for more than two weeks!” I swear she’s afraid of an realationship. I read in YM that if a girl is quick to insult her ex, she wants him back. And at the drop of a pin she’ll insult Jeff and Roger. She’s such a loser. Continue Reading