You know. It’s been my goal awhile, to be in the happy group.

Originally Written on June 16, 1994
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I can’t believe there is only 1 more day of school! It all passed so quickly. Today was a day of yea-book signing and now I think I have over 100! I really don’t want the year to end. It’s hard to believe that tomorrow at this time I’ll be in eighth grade! This year was fun and I hate to have 2 part with it. It’s been almost a year since Becky left. I miss her terribly. You know. It’s been my goal awhile, to be in the happy group. Becky and I were just becoming good friend and the year ends. More later.

“Jennifer, Thanks for the great year but you didn’t have to kiss me in front of everyone that day.” – Rob

Originally Written on June 15, 1994
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

We got our yearbooks today. I feel so bad. I jumped to conclusions. I’ll start at the beginning…

In block I didn’t want to ask Robbie to sign my yearbook. I thought he was an asshole. But he asked me to sign his and I said only if you’ll sign mine. Somebody else was signing it so as soon as they were done, I gave it to Robbie. He signed it, and I’m looking at my yearbook “Jennifer, Thanks for the great year but you didn’t have to kiss me in front of everyone that day. – Rob

Well that just made me feel horrible, I had obviously embarressed him majorly that that day and I jumped to conclusions when I asked him out and he said “no”. He had probably still resending me because of that day and thought that maybe this was another dare. My chest might have been part of it, but not all of it.

I’ve been thinking about it, and it makes sense that he said no. Cassie had said he wanted me to ask him out, so he could know if I wanted to go out with him. Everyone around was pressuring us, and it had been out of peer pressure that I asked him out. He know that I wouldn’t have, if everyone hadn’t influenced me, so he know I hadn’t liked him. I wouldn’t go out with someone under those circumstances. I think I have finally reached level of understanding. I just feel so bad, because I judged him, and hated him for so long and he didn’t deserve it. I wish there was a way that I could let him know that I understand and that I’m sorry. I just hope I’m not jumping to this conclusion. But I don’t think I am. There is still one other person I hate: Mike H. I wonder if I’m jumping to conclusions about him. I doubt it. I just fee sooooo bad. Maybe I’ll call him and apologize. Maybe not.

The wp_postmeta Table is a Sexy Beast

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

The longer I work with WordPress, the more I love it. There’s something about knowing something so inside and out that makes you all the more fond of it.

The farther I dig into custom themes, post types, design…the more I have started having to get down and dirty with the actual MySQL database where all the content for a WordPress website is stored.

It gets super geeky, and there’s no need to go into any level of detail. But this sort of detail-oriented digging tends to make one punchy…which led to this:

I just imagined the two of us in a sordid love triangle…I’m calling my boyfriend, “oooh I have to stay late…I haven’t gotten this functionality to work.” Meanwhile the wp_postmeta table is kissing my neck and massaging my back. I’m digging in deeper to find the slug for the custom data I need displayed…he’s asking me on a ski weekend.

What did I tell you? Punchy.

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Doug was looking at me in a weird way at the beginning. I’m starting to feel accepted.

Originally Written on June 14, 1994
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I have no idea why I’m writing in cursive. Today was the class trip to the waterslides. It was really fun. I spent the day with Em, Nat, Jordan and this Doug person. I don’t mean to sound concited, or anything but Doug was looking at me in a weird way at the beginning. I’m starting to feel accepted. Tomorrow we get our year-books. I really don’t want this school year to end. But in 3 days I’ll be in eigth grade. I don’t know why, but its like when the school year ends, then I’ll have to start all over next year. I think there’s more than that but I can’t figure it out yet.

Bye!

Good news: I came in SECOND! Bad news: There were only two people in my league!

Originally Written on June 13, 1994
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Good news: I came in SECOND!

Bad news: There were only two people in my league!

I laugh every time I think about that. I did pretty well on my routine, but Jessica, my competition, deserved to win. I’m happy, because I got a cheap silver medal on a paper ribbon that’s already falling apart for my first competition, I think I did really well. At lease I had fun. Mom was right – the first time is the new experience the next time is for winning. OK, that’s not exactly what she said, but that’s how I interrperted it.

CIAO!
[drawing of silver medal in red pen]

School’s cool. I get to see all my friends and I get to socialize. I don’t even mind the tests.

Originally Written on June 12, 1994
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

As you can see, I’ve trid to write before. But I’ve just been too busy. There has been a lot going on. So, I’ll start at the beginning of the mad rush of stuff. Last Friday night – the 3rd was Nikki N’s party. I wasn’t sure if I was going to go to it because she’s a rocker and I’m not. But I went and I danced with her brother, he’s in 6th grade – named Ricky 4 times. I danced 3 slow and 1 fast as well as 2 slow with other peoples.

I was really uncomfortable for most of the party. Melissa L. kept telling me to ask Ricky out. Now Ricky is sweet but he’s ugly and annoying. I didn’t want to go out with him. But I survived that evening.

On Saturday I signed up for the future stars competition which is taking place tomorrow! I’m soooooo nervous!

Nothing happened on Sunday, I think. I was afraid Ricky would ask me out on Mon but he didn’t.

Nothing happened Tues but Wed. was the band concert! We played Canto and I had to play the gong! I only missed two gongs! I’m so happy and proud of myself. After the concert, Jordan talked to me, and it was like I had been accepted into their little circle. Not completely but on Thurs Jordan bopped me on the head with his rolled up poster. I can see why Emily likes him but I could never.

I’m afraid I am starting to like Andy (AGAIN!) I don’t know. It was like Wed. or Thurs. and he was coming up to our row in Science. He sit next to Lina. Anyway our eyes met and it was really wierd. In that second I got this feeling that I like him. I haven’t been able to shake that feeling, try as I might. Fri night I went camping so I had to miss my skating lessons on Sat. But I sat, starring at the starry sky, trying to short my thoughts and feelings. I haven’t figured out my feelings yet. I know it’s stupid to like a guy in the happy group because I don’t have a chance with them.

On Fri, Nikki in PE told me that Rikky wanted to go out w/ me. In French, I told Nikki that I wouldn’t. I know I made the right decision because I don’t like him, but this was a chance for me to finally have a boyfriend. I know that guys can like me, because he asked me out.

At the awards ceremony for Band, Fri. afternoon, Andy won for best lashes and he got a tube of mascara. And he does have the best lashes. They’re long and thick and gorgeous! They belong on a girl. But I can’t like him! I’m tired of liking guys I don’t have a chance with. But he is single. I could ask him out but that would be stupid. I just need to sort out my feelings for him. He’s nice though. Annoying but nice. He’s always singing, and, oh, his lashes are wonderful! But I already talked about those.

I’m soooooooo infinity os nervous! I can’t believe the competition is tomorrow! I want to win soooo bad! But I’m up against this one girl that I saw at the rink today. She’s in my class, and she’s halla good. All I can hope is that I’m not giving myself enough credit or that she falls flat on her butt. I’m also up against this sucky girl, so I can at least beat her. I hope! Please, God, help me! I want to win sooooooo bad! And I will. I choose my divine blueprint.

I really don’t want school to end. When school ends then I’m stuck alone in summer. School’s cool. I get to see all my friends and I get to socialize. I don’t even mind the tests. I wish it didn’t have to end. It’s amazing that it has been almost a year since Becky has moved. The end of the year brings back so many memories of her. I wish she hadn’t moved.

So far there is only one cuss word in it and hell’s a place not a thing.

Originally Written on June 1, 1994
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I’ve been busy. I can’t seem to stop writing this book- I think I’ll actually do it this time. I’m going to get it published and everything. I can’t figure out what the title should be though. Today I gave lots of people copies of it so they could edit it. I haven’t made any of the changes yet- but it’s like they’re adopting my story. I might as well say it’s by Jennifer Hellers friends. I know i really need their input and believe I apreciate- but I’m not going to change a lot. I’ll think about what they think and if they think one part sucks I’ll improve it. But I’m not adding anything that isn’t my own words. So far there is only one cuss word in it and hell’s a place not a thing.

Ciao! (Chow!)