I just sat there. Silently watching as she robbed us of another thing. OUr family’s love, which is a lot of times all we have to go on.

Originally Written on January 14, 1994
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Mom’s friend Celestra was staying with us for a few days. This morn she slept in my bed after I got up. Mom got her to leave after Dad threatened to call the police if she wasn’t gone. With her she took: the strength our family has a whole, my Santa bear Em gave me; the fake blue flower I bought; a washcloth; and an ashtray. Not to mention the peace.

Mom had to yell at her in order for her to leave. I wasn’t home then, but when I was home she asked if she could “borrow” my Santa bear and the flower. Now I’ll never see them again.

This is one MESSED UP lady. When she arrived on our door step Thursday during the day, Mom said that she just shoved herself in. She took advantage of our hospitality and ours too. When mom asked her to leave this afternoon, Mom said she just ignored her and wouldn’t leave. Dad says she’s crazy. Just a little bit.

After Mom yelled at her to get out she got mad and decided to get Mom back. So she took our stuff that I mentioned before and burnt one of our pans. A good pan.

The point is not that she took our stuff or burnt our pan but that she stayed in my room. She went through my drawers. She took my Santa bear and flower. That sick lady robbed me of my well-being. I don’t feel as though my stuff is mine anymore. She played my tapes. She watched my TV. She probably used my deoderent for all I know. When she used those things she took posession of them. Now the only thing I know in my heart is mine is the locket around my neck. And of corse my family. But Celestra caused a major fight between my parents and I just sat there connected to the fight but not connected to the fight. I just sat there. Silently watching as she robbed us of another thing. OUr family’s love, which is a lot of times all we have to go on. One things for sure tonight’s been as close to hell as I ever want to be. I just pray Celestra never comes back. Continue Reading

Rest in Peace DealDetectives.com

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

It’s a sad day around here today. I’ve just discovered that dealdetectives.com is no more. At least, it is no more the awesome source for deals it once was and is now just listing coupon codes, a job that so many websites are out there doing already.

Sigh.

But since you’re no more, please, dealdetectives.com, please take off the last awesome deals you listed from the bottom of your site. That Lenovo laptop deal got me so excited, and then broke my heart. No one else needs that kind of pain.

I’m a Leo, btw

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I nicknamed her Gorgeous, cause she was gorgeous to me.

So empty, so carefree. I can take it, she said. And she took it.

All my photos. My music. My important business files.

Ooooh, my important business files.

I came back from lunch the other day to find her unplugged. I had left her plugged in, I distinctly remembered. But she’d been unplugged so many times before, I didn’t worry. I plugged her back in.

Nothing.

I plugged her into the three closest computers. Nothing.

I was sure she was just sick. I gave her some Reiki.* Seriously. I thought positive thoughts.

I brought her home. At home I have a shortcut to her on my desktop. If I could try accessing her via the shortcut, that will work. She was humming…and spinning… Her little blue light was turning on in that oh so familiar way.

At home, nothing. The next day I brought her to my IT guy, and he said that it didn’t look good. That wasn’t humming and spinning. That was clanking and crashing.

With desperate passion I regretted that moment when right clicked on my trash can and chose “Empty.” What was I thinking?! Where was my other back up? Why hadn’t I listened to z.Dank?!! And why hadn’t I gotten the bartender’s number instead of leaving that silly, though eloquent, note for him, because at least then I would know right now if he had a girlfriend? Or I could have included something about “Don’t worry, you don’t have to be my boyfriend” cause we all know that the b word scares everybody?! And most importantly, why didn’t I buy two external hard drives and put all my shit on both cause at least then I’d have it right now and I’d be able to work and…

:””(

Those are real tears I’m crying right there.

I’m trying to be optimistic.

I still have these photos of this car Alex and I almost bought once.

The car Alex and I almost bought once

And here’s the bird the Guster killed the other day.

dead bird the guster killed

Without even leaving the house! My god. What a cat. And here’s this cute picture I took of me and Grandma.

Me and Grandma

She was totally impressed with how we could see the photos right away. Ooh! And the other night I made my mac and cheese and chard into a yin and yang!

Mac & Cheese yin and yang

Isn’t that cute?!

I tell you. Given the selection of photos for the last few weeks, we’re really missing out on those six years of photos I am going to have to pay however much to be recovered if the Magical & Great Surgeon that Gorgeous went to the city to see tonight isn’t able to…

….

…don’t think like that…

….

If nothing else, I’ll just file this into my $300+ mistakes file.

What a day.

:””'(

*ancient Japanese form of hands-on healing. The Wikipedia entry lacks citations, FYI.

all i did this weekend was drink.

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I let myself do whatever I wanted. I didn’t have to water the plants. I didn’t have to clean the house. I didn’t even have to eat.

Instead I got drunk. Went swimming. Went shopping. Got more drunk. Stayed home. Watched romantic comedies. And cried myself to sleep with these big fat crocodile tears I’d only read about in mediocre novels.

These big fat crocodile tears were my company. Friends, too. My cat, as well. My sister, bless her soul.

It’s so funny…this time of the month. It’s funny this month…with the sun out. My soul is light but my heart is heavy.

And I’m a little bit hungover. I’m going to go meet my old boss for drinks after work, so, really, there’s no need to end the marathon.

Though I do need to get more whiskey. And make more banana bread for breakfast tomorrow.

I get to do whatever I want. Forever. And, that, my dears, is fantastic.