Sing Chicago’s Hard Habit to Break to a dancing pack of cigarettes. I bet I could sucker Will into dressing in a cardboard box (if I decorate it)… If only I could sing, I might place in the top ten. Regardless, it could be quite a performance!
Cigarettes, as I’m sure you know, are more addictive than heroin. Why are they legal, US Government, when marijuana–with accepted medical practices and no chemical action in the brain stem (where the worst addiction mechanisms take place!)–is persecuted? I look forward to your comments. Continue Reading
I’ve had a rocky couple of months, and it’s been hard on my life, my optimistic nature and my relationship. Somewhere along the line I started seeing Geraldine Shute, LAc, over at Deep Healing Acupuncture*.
At first we were just addressing my intense arm pain (due to overambitious work habits), but after a few months we delved into the physical reasons for my mood swings, which, it must be admitted, were starting to rule my life.
She recommended the following changes:
Sunshine in the Morning
Get twenty minutes of sunshine in before 10 a.m.. I chose to do this with a morning walk. It sounds so simple, but for someone who works at home, it was a challenge to leave the house before the work day was over, and now that it’s dark at 5pm, that means greeting a world shrouded in night.
Morning sunshine does more than just create Vitamin D3; it signals your brain to stop producing a sleepy neurochemical, and to start producing serotonin (which makes you feel good!!). Having specialized in brain chemistry in college, I immediately recognized this usefulness. Serotonin is essential to being happy, and is produced by exercise, video games and lots and lots of addictive drugs. Who knew we could stimulate its production just by getting a little morning sunshine??
Omega Supplements with added Vitamin D3
Your brain is comprised of tons and tons of lipids, or fats. Mine is too. We live in a world where it’s hard to get Omega 6’s (an essential form of fat) as I’m sure you’ve heard. Taking Omega supplements will provide your brain with a coating of lipids.
I like to look at it as a little Omega buffer between you and the world. You know how if you have an open wound, and you brush against something, or something pokes it, how much it hurts? You know how little it hurts if you have a band-aid on? That’s what I understand Omega supplements do for you. Without it, your brain reacts more harshly to upsets than need be. Introduce some daily Omega supplements and you’re golden.
It must be noted that it takes two weeks of daily Omega supplements to feel the effects fully. I’m on day 8 and I feel better. For serious.
Not all Omega supplements are created equal. My acupuncturist recommends Nordic Naturals Ultimate Omega with D3, which is comprised of fish oil, something your body easily digests and incorporates into the brain. Of course, it does come with some fishy burps on occasion, but it’s a small price (in my opinion) for feeling better and can be avoided by taking them with meals.
An added benefit to choosing Nordic Naturals Ultimate Omega with D3 is that they also contain Vitamin D3, mentioned above, and will help replicate some of that sunshiney feeling in you. Can’t argue with that.
GABA Supplements
GABA is an inhibitory neurotransmitter in the brain; this means that it has a calming effect. For those who are prone to stressing out, a GABA supplement taken as needed can help calm the overworked anxiety systems. Geraldine does warn, however, that there should be some caution taken when introducing GABA to your diet. I know from my history in neurochemistry that introducing any neurotransmitter regularly will effect your brain’s normal production, a delicate balance that we often mess with but needs to be respected. She suggests that you consult a medical practitioner before incorporating GABA supplements, but also notes that you can pick it up at any drugstore (or on Amazon by following my links).
I’ve found that happy music, singing in the morning, and punctuating my day with Zumba youtube dance videos (dance along, it’s fun!) and jumping jacks, keeps my spirits up in the face of adversity.
Pay Attention
If Geraldine hadn’t asked me to start paying attention to my moods, I wouldn’t have noticed that the days when I walk in the morning I’m happier than the others, or that I am known to go from singing in the rain to bawling at a cell phone commercial within an hour. I always thought that my moods were in charge of me, and that is not an empowering way to view the world. Taking charge of my moods by noticing my triggers and what helps or doesn’t has been a powerful tool in feeling good.
I leave you with Levon Helm’s song, Feelin’ Good. A man who faced throat cancer, recovered, and has released three albums since, I find him a continual inspiration. Though this song may arguably be about using retail therapy to feel good, I like it and it makes me feel good. I would love to hear from you what songs make you feel good!
*It has to be noted that it was with a sorry heart that I didn’t continue seeing Christine Friel, LAc, at Double Happiness Health. The trek to Potrero Hill was more than my weakened state could take twice a month, but I recommend her very highly. For the east bay folks, I also highly recommend Geraldine. Message me for more info!
Yesterday was a bummer of a day for a laundry list of reasons that I’d rather not get into.
I was brought up with the beliefs that one has power over their own mind: when you’re in the depths of despair the shining sun is a curse on the world, when you’re happy as a clam, no amount of rain could pull your spirits down. That’s a bit of an oversimplification, but the ethos is basically, when you’re bummed, try to feel better. If you’re stuck in thoughts that make you feel bad, stretch your mind to find a thought that feels better–even very marginally. Once you get even that millimeter closer to a better feeling thought, you’ll have access to even better feeling thoughts.
My philosophy and cognitive science education proved to strengthen my beliefs in the power of thought. In particular, Heidegger’s philosophy of the mind rings true and supports this. He points out that if you’re thirsty, everywhere you look you will see the possibility of quenching your thirst. Or, if you’re tired and on a long hike, a boulder that otherwise would have blended into the background jumps out at you as a place to finally rest.
I noticed last night that I was stuck in a place where everything looked like failure. I’ve been spinning my wheels on a few projects, and it’s lasted far longer than I ever would have expected or hoped. When it came time to do the dishes and then take off for my evening activity, I knew that I needed something to lift my spirits. The song I chose to facilitate this was “Fill Your Heart” by David Bowie.
He sings, “Fill your heart with love today…things that happened in the past only happened in your mind. Forget your mind and you’ll be free…Lovers never lose because they are free of thoughts unpure and unkind…”
The mind is a powerful organ, one capable of ruminating about failures and embarrassments ad infinitum. I like this notion that if you fill your heart with love (try it! It feels great) you almost are out of room for the brains obsessive ponderings. The feeling left instead makes room for forgiveness of ones self and others, and celebration of your own power.
I spent this past weekend in Reno, NV, celebrating my friend Heather’s birthday. We had a grand time, as one does in Reno. I tweeted Sunday morning “‘The beer I had for breakfast, wasn’t bad so I had one more for dessert.'” It was a true depiction of my situation as it might be yours, this victorious Tuesday morning (Go Giants!).
This tweet came up on my weekly phone call with my aunts and mother last night. Neither of my aunts or my mother caught that I was quoting song lyrics. My belief that it’s clever to tweet/FB lyrics without attribution is perhaps misguided and disrespectful to the artist.
It is a lyric from the Kris Kristoffersen song, Sunday Morning Coming Down. Until I Googled it, I would have assumed it was written by Johnny Cash, who introduced the song–in its glorious wisdom–to me.
It’s the tale of the morning after a night of adventure…the nostalgia, the regret and the basic human urges.
Without further ado…Johnny Cash performing Sunday Morning Coming Down, my favorite Sunday morning hangover song.*
*Will, the bf, and I just had a conversation about whether to admit to hangover on the Internet. I said to him, “Babe, we just bought www.lushesinlove.com! We should embrace the hangover with two fists!” To which he replied, “It’s true that the Sunday morning hangover is generally acceptable.” Conversation over.
I just found my ipod after misplacing it a few weeks ago. It’s too small to really look for anywhere but where you expect it to be, so I had decided it was long gone when I found it hidden under the record player.
I’ve been obsessed lately with the song “Pancho and Lefty” (the version I have is performed by Willie Nelson). For some reason I only listen to it in the car (don’t ask me why…). Getting my ipod back meant I could listen to it again, and I did today. It’s the sad tale of a Mexican bandit named Pancho and his friend Lefty. Pancho meets an unfortunate death–and it’s implied that it was Lefty who betrayed him.
Later in the song, we are asked to pray for Pancho, but to “save a prayer for Lefty, too.” Though by all objective standards, he got the better deal, he’s left to live with the death of his friend on his conscious.
It’s easy to vilify as Morrisey sings, “It’s so easy to laugh, it’s so easy to hate.”
But as he continues, “It takes strength to be gentle and kind.” Sometimes it takes me a minute to see the other side, but even villains have pain and suffering as a consequence. We’re all human, after all.
Now, I’m a big fan of the local college radio station, Kalx, which has a weekly “Noise Hour,” devoted to experimental music. When that comes on, I always change the channel.
For whatever reason I thought that the New and Experimental in the festival title referred to the fact that it was an experimental and new event for the group that was putting it on.
I found myself submerged in experimental music–a fate I would not have chosen, but one I was truly intrigued by.
The event was hosted by Studio 1510, a cool warehouse space in West Oakland; one that further incited my passion to one day have a warehouse space. This one was particularly awesome; there was a hole in a wall for selling beverages staffed by friends of the residents. I have a hunch they were operating out of a closet.
I caught the end of a very interesting performance by Kristin Miltner and Karen Stackpole. Their music incorporated “lush, huge dynamics ranging from chiming, piercing, scraping metallic rings to the rumbling deep bass of gongs and toms.” Though I only caught the end, I was instantly transfixed and taken away. These strange melodies really caught you–and your emotions–and would not let you go.
I was able to make my way into the room where the performances were taking place for the next act. One of the fellows who lived there had created these beautiful wooden sound boards to ease the neighbors’ experience; they were truly an art piece in themselves. The room sat about twenty-five comfortably, though the forty or so people crammed into the room were not complaining.
James Fei and Tim Perkis (pictured to the left) seemed an unlikely pair. Their one song spanned around fifteen minutes, and though I cannot say it was my cup of tea, their electronic musical stylings certainly got me thinking about how our culture defines music and how it’s changing with the constant advent of new technology, and experimental artists pushing the envelope. I smiled to think of them practicing for long hours at a time; one with a laptop and some strange looking piano-like thing, and one with a piece of equipment that resembles the once ubiquitous telephone switchboard.
The last act I saw was a group formed and directed by my friend, Elizabeth Orr, and featuring another friend, Joey Petropoulos. They had constructed this hauntingly beautiful set, and told me that they had lugged the dozens of phone books needed to polish the effect on their bicycles. Each singer seemed to prefer to be absolutely anonymous; this was music that revolved around the message, not the messenger. Their frank, political lyrics seamlessly delivered coupled with electronic back beats charmed the crowd and demanded audience participation.
One of the things that is so rewarding about living in Oakland is being surrounded by so many artists challenging our notions of what traditional art and music is, and collaborating with and inspiring others. I know that I won’t be so quick to change the channel next time I stumble on Kalx’s noise hour.
I’m posting sneak peeks of the upcoming years of diary entries in the absence of any news from 12 year old me (apparently the beginning of Junior High was just too stressful and embarrassing even for the diaries). Digging through the later years made me realize how cruel girls are, and how cruel I was. Jealousy and hormones do horrible things to the brain; to my brain.
To which end, I came up with the following disclaimer:
“Jennifer Heller does not endorse the views expressed in these diaries and regrets the excesses of her teenage self. Further, it must be noted, as every fiber of our body is completely regenerated after seven years and we are a different person, the reader releases the current incarnation of Jennifer Heller from any liability for the views expressed in these diaries. ”
Which I will post at the beginning of each, um, regrettably mean entry.
Today this song struck me as particularly embodying the intense emotions felt during one’s tender years, and coming up, in grave detail, over the next few years.
The BP oil spill fiasco seems to have fallen off our radar a bit, though the disaster is far from over. Will tells me spills of that magnitude have happened before on other, not so affluent off-shore eco-systems. Our Earth seems to have handled it; indeed if the last one was in the seventies, we ought to know if it hadn’t.
I can’t imagine seeing in the past those sickening images of pelicans and dolphins covered in oil, and having to see them again thirty years later. Those images are forever burned in my memory, and I imagine in yours too. I toyed with the idea of doing a Van Gogh My Pet series of oil slicked creatures, but I have never enjoyed portraying sadness and despair. It’s hard to imagine that our world would recover, and it’s rather sickening to me how little we hear about the continued fallout. I (perhaps conveniently) blame the media for our short attention span.
For the past few months, I’ve been obsessed with David Bowie. OBSESSED. Initially it was one of his earliest albums, Hunky Dory, on continual repeat, which was replaced after an appropriate amount of time with his subsequent album, The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust And The Spiders From Mars. This album is a rock and roll opera, which Bowie intended to form the backbone of a stage show or television production (and it still should be).
The first track, Five Years, relates the devastating news that Earth’s days are numbered. Finitely numbered, in fact, with only five years to go. We’ve used up all our natural resources. Adults have given up; kids are left to plunder and ravage what’s left of the Earth.
The reality in their world seemed so hauntingly similar to our current situation, and so many other environmental situations I’ve worried and fretted about. This oil spill debacle seemed to me so much bigger than anything else. People close to me suggested that this spill would ruin the Southern portion of the United States, forcing a mass migration. The oil could be displaced via hurricanes and wind up poisoning our entire water supply. Crops could fail and even the salmon swimming happily in the Klamath River would sport a shiny black coat. Even without employing my overactive imagination, people were (are) out of work, and animals are dying (still!).
My favorite of the album is the fourth track, Starman. We learn of a being, “waiting in the sky; he’d like to come and meet us but he thinks he’d blow our minds.” He knows how to help us, but is afraid we might be be unwilling to accept him or his knowledge–a valid concern. I’ve heard so many rumors of BP executives ignoring advice; as humans, we think, we feel, and we are stubborn.
Opening our ears, the Starman tells us “not to blow it cause he knows it’s all worthwhile.” A glimmer of hope! No matter how dark our reality might be, it is still worthwhile–life is still worthwhile. We still love, we can still laugh.
The Starman continues, “let the children lose it, let the children use it.” And it is so true; we are merely the stewards of our home. It is our children who will inherit it when we are gone. They have the freedom to do with it what they will, just as we have the freedom to do to it what we will. If we consider how it affects those following in our footsteps, perhaps we would take different paths.
As a Girl Scout, I have always been taught to take care of my surroundings. When I leave a camp site, I pick up as many pieces of trash as I can find–far more, indeed than I have left there. I know that the people who are camping there next will probably destroy it again, but I can only do what I can do. I think Starman would want it that way.
To honor this ambassador of hope I created this work:
I started with EJ DiMira’s body, which I cut out of Soap Opera Digest (quite an inspiration for me of late), added some images from Wikimedia Commons, and Photoshop flares to create his body. I had it printed on this crazy metallic paper that adds just the faintest glimmer to finish the piece.
Will wants me to send one to David Bowie. Julia challenged me to find his address, which ten seconds on google yielded (though I will probably only reach his publicist).
I’ve taken this as a challenge to create a triad of David Bowie inspired art, that will likely include elements from Soap Opera Digest. Once the triad is finished, and only then, will I send them to David Bowie. He has a habit of supporting unknown and budding artists. I have a daydream that perhaps one day he will have to phone someone and he will pick on me.
I had not edited any video since the 90s. This was such a challenge, and I must have spent about 40 hours on it. It was complicated by the fact that I have this need for perfection before I can move forward with any project, and Van Gogh My Pet was never going to be perfect until I had completed this movie.
The background music is from one of my favorite bands, The Real Tuesday Weld.
