Alexis was being a bitch today! During Science she came up and said “I thought you were sitting with us?!” I shrugged and said, “Sorry.”

Originally Written on May 26, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Alexis was being a bitch today! During Science she came up and said “I thought you were sitting with us?!” I shrugged and said, “Sorry.” Alexis turned on her heal and stormed off. Alexis doesn’t own me! I can sit where I want to, despite what she says. Also on Tuesday, I was being nice to Ana and talking with her all the way to band. Alexis walks up, pulls me aside and says, “How come you’re being nice to her?!!!” I felt like saying, ‘Excuse me? A week ago you got mad at me for being mean to her. You said, Oh she’s not that bad! Remember?!!! Anyway who cares. She’s not important.

How come I’m so nervous all the time? Around guys I mean. I’m always grinning and acting stupid. Whenever Steve talks to me, I get nervous. Maybe it’s because he’s always asking if I like Andy. I don’t know why. Continue Reading

I assumed Amanda had told Steve who Andy liked. I pretended I didn’t notice and went back to drawing.

Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Art: as usual the topic was Ana. Hold on let me backtrack for a second. In Art I never talk to anyone and feel very “out.” Anyway, Amanda is our (my) table group and she wanted to know why Andy (also in my table group) wouldn’t go out with Ana, who has liked him for awhile. Andy says he doesn’t really know her, which is a complete lie since they’re in the same Math class. Anyway, Amanda wanted to know who in the table group had told Ana what Amanda had said about a week ago. Now, of course, I had, but I didn’t to get in trouble for it. When she asked me, I shook my head, no. Anyway later Steve W. comes along and starts asking Andy who he likes. So, I’m just sitting here drawing my picture.

“Is she in this class,” Steve asks.

Andy nods.

“Is it Annie?” Steve.

“No,” Andy answers. Anyway, Amanda had said that she knew.

“Is it Amanda?”

“No.”

“Is it Jennifer Heller?”

Andy shook his head, slowly.

“Jennifer?” I looked up. “Do you like Andy?”

I shook my head and went back to drawing. A few seconds later, Steve said, “Jennifer Heller?!!!”

I looked up. Amanda was nodding. I assumed Amanda had told Steve who Andy liked. I pretended I didn’t notice and went back to drawing. Continue Reading

I don’t know. 90210 was so sad. It seems like I’m living in their saga.

Originally Written on May 19, 1996
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I feel so depressed.  I don’t know why.  It just sprang up on me.

Suddenly, in the middle of 90210, I started loving Smudge so much.  I started bawling and saying how much I loved her and how she couldn’t be given away.

Then (after I composed myself) I went out on the balcony. Suddenly I loved Pleasanton + the town homes. I tried to convince Mom + Dad not to move, but it didn’t work.  At least now we may not give Smudge for awhile.

I don’t know.  90210 was so sad.  It seems like I’m living in their saga.

I’m tired.  Bye!

Smudge looked something like this.

Continue Reading

All of my feelings look stupid on paper.

Originally Written on May 19, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I haven’t done my homework in ages. I’m afraid I’m turning into Becky, never doing my homework on time.

Today I stayed home from school. I needed the rest.

Last night I was totally stressed about a history test today. It was open book! Oh, well.

All of my feelings look stupid on paper.

I don’t know who I like. There are a couple people I might like. O.K. for one? I’m not sure if I like Z.S. Ana says he says I’m a bitch. He told me Ana was a bitch. Oh, well. I just think he’s an ass. But I like him. Sort of. I don’t know.

Erica says O.K. likes me. I don’t know. He used to flirt with me. Not anymore though. Oh, well.

Do I like O.K.? I don’t think so.

Do you notice how all of a sudden I’m using initials to refer to my crushes?

The next page is folded in half with the label “Nobody ever open!” Lucky for us, I don’t respect 11-year-old me’s wishes much.

They are initials backwards!!! Such a complicated key just to disguise the crushes I’m not sure I had.

On to a more cheerful subject. If I can find one. Continue Reading

Guess what? I DON’T LIKE STEVE ANY MORE

Originally Written on April 22, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Tonight Becky + me spent hours and hours on the phone. Most of the time we didn’t even say a word, except Becky sang in her awful voice.

She sang the Block Buster Video song. Even as I write she is on the phone, singing.

Did I mention I’m in my room! Yes I GOT A PHONE

Actually it’s Becky’s but not for long. Just kidding. It’s until August. The phone can go into Sara’s room or the bathroom. I’m using line 2.

Cool huh. I think so.

Guess what?

I DON’T LIKE STEVE ANY MORE

YEA!!!

Now I like someone different.

Just kidding.

Todays topic is our group and why or why not they can’t go on a group outing to the mall

Originally Written on April 20, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Todays topic is our group and why or why not they can’t go on a group outing to the mall:

Emily: 1/2 the time she’s not allowed to + the other 1/2 of the time she’s busy/grounded.

Alex: doesn’t want to

Alexis: isn’t allowed to

Christy: NEVER will be cool enough to

Leena: Who knows.

That leaves Becky + me. Will we be stuck doing everything by ourselves. Not that I mind but I wish more people would come.

Based on the size of my handwriting, I would have predicted a stronger reaction to being stuck going to the mall with Becky all the time.

Continue Reading

I’m pretty comfortable with guys. But still they tell me I’m blushing.

Originally Written on April 5, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I am popular. I think. I’ve spent the past 4 days entirely with Becky. After tonight I feel closer to her than I have ever felt.

I called a guy. Roger. It was cool. Not hard at all; not like I thought. He’s going out with Alexis. What does she have that I don’t? I’ve liked him all year. Now I have self confidence though.

We’re just friends. Roger want kiss Alexis. Alexis told him that she’d slap him if he tryed so Roger won’t kiss even hug hug him.

I’m getting a C+ in PE. I never thought I’d stoop so low. The thing was I didn’t even care. Continue Reading