Grandma is coming in the morning. With her comes trouble. Mom and Grandma don’t exactly get along–it has something to do with her childhood. Grandma will be bringing gifts from Aunt Linda and hers. The tree is filled with presents–but only one for me! It’s from Ellen! Sara hasn’t “gotten” my present yet–I think she’s “getting”‘ me $.

I hate vacation–sure I get to sleep in and do whatever I feel like, but I don’t see my friends or dubleve cinq! Last time I saw d.c., he said I looked like an old lady–my roots white. Nikki defended me–we’re becoming good friends! (boring entry?)
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Tonight was the band concert. It wasn’t quite the same w/o Becky. Last concert, after we played, Becky and I sat together and someone was tapping us on the shoulders the entire time. It was so fun. Tonight I looked around the gym and everything was the same. Mom and Dad sat in their same places, as always. The only difference was the school banner said 93/94 instead of 92/93. And Becky wasn’t there. The Jazz Bank played “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer again. My dad told me to meet him in the same spot as we have been in the past.

Everything was so alike yet so different. Becki R. didn’t have a broken arm… Amy V., Andrew C., Scott G. and alot more were in the Symphonic Band, we were in concert… Becky’s mom wasn’t video taping us… I wasn’t having a good time talking to Becky — instead Emily was telling me to shut up…

Becky wasn’t there!

I wish she was… I would have gone home w/ her or the other way around, we would have had a good laugh at my breaking my sunglasses, the night and the whole year would have been different. I’ll never find another Becky. Continue Reading

I’m so hurt. Emily still hasn’t called. I didn’t go to school today. I don’t know if she did either. I didn’t bother to call to find out though. Whenever I do call she acts like she doesn’t want to talk to me, so why bother? Why hasn’t she called to find out what happened at the dance? If I were in her shoes, I would have called the first chance I got. Even if I was sick. Even if I was busy. Becky called and she hasn’t! Is she mad? I geuss I’ll find out tomorrow at school.
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It’s supposed to be a happy time. We got our tree today. The day was going great til we got the tree home.

Mom and Dad were putting the tree in the holder and I couldn’t wait to start decorating it. Then Dad got a phone call and Mom went up to do the laundry. Me and Sara were putting the train together, in order to wait for Mom & Dad to come to join us so we could put up the ornaments. I was upset because the track wasn’t cooperating and Sara was being annoying. Also Mom & Dad were supposed to be helping. Dad got off the phone but still didn’t help. Xmas is a happy, family togetherness time I geuss he was working or something. Mom came but didn’t help, just stood around watching. I tried to hold back the tears and have fun. Finally Mom and Dad started fixing dinner, so I ditched Sara and came up to my room to cry, which I’m doing now.

For years the whole family has helped decorating the tree. Now dad has decided to break the tradition. Continue Reading

Last night was the dance. I would have written last night but I was at Alexis’ house and I needed some time to sort out my feelings.

I had a great time. 3 is the charm! I was hopeful about dancing w/ Mike, but I was having a great time. About the 7th or 8th slow song, Jeff asked me to dance. We didn’t dance the whole song, but everyone was laughing. For the last dances I hung around in a great big group of people including Kerry R., Robbie, Alexis, Cassie, Danielle P., and more. We were right near the cliche and it seemed like I was having a better time that they were. They’re to exclusive. The DJ did snowball, where every time he says snowball you change dance partners. He did it to Gangsta Lean. I was standing right near Mike, but he didn’t ask me to dance! Why do I have to like a shy guy?

I told Tamara I liked Mike, and the very next slow song she decided I was going to dance with him. She went up to him and asked him if he’d dance with me. He said yes, if he knew who I was! I hope he was either playing dumb or couldn’t hear my name clearly. Tamara pointed me out and dragged him over to me. I gave Tamara what I hope looked like a bewildered glance, and then looked at Mike. We looked at each other for a few seconds then I shrugged and so did he. I put my arms around his neck; he put his arms around my waist and the song ended! It’s funny, I swear. The few seconds we were dancing weren’t wonderful as I had hoped. They were dissapointing! When the song ended, he yelled “yes” threw his hands up in the arm in a Y and headed to the cliche. He acted as if he didn’t want to dance w/ me. Did he?

I also danced with some guy Jeff set me up w/.

Alexis started to cry sometime during the dance; Ana joined her. Alexis was cring because the only people she danced with wrere Mark Miscelli and Keorber. She was also crying because Jeff had asked every single girl around her to dance, but not her; how mean! Ana was crying because she wanted to dance w/ anyone. The climax of the evening came when Alexis and Jeff were outside talking. When they came back in they were both crying! It was a funny sight to see Jeff crying! I don’t mean to be harsh but it was! Jeff was crying because he thought Alexis hated him. He and Alexis danced the last dance, and you couldn’t wedge a CD in between them.

You know, I’ve been thinking that maybe it might bot be that great to be in the cliche. Sure, you have a dance partner every dance but think how Amy must feel! She never dances w/ anyone outside the cliche! That, in my opinion, is even worse than never dancing at all. She and Mike danced a few times.

People who know I like Mike

OH NO!!!!

Emily,
Ana,
Alexis,
Natalie,
Tamara,
Cassie
Someone I don’t even know! Continue Reading

Alexis and I are friends again.

Wait, seriously?? The last three weeks have been filled with anti-Alexis rants and all we get is “Alexis and I are friends again”??

Tomorrow night is the dance, and I’m going! I don’t know if I’ll have fun or not but I’m willing to take that risk. Alexis and I are carpooling and then I’m going to spend the night at her house. I hope we don’t fight.

After school I called Emily, to tell her that Christy wasn’t going to the dance. Wonderful News! Emily isn’t going either. Emily didn’t seem to want to talk to me. I understand that she’s sick but it seems like she’s mad at me. I sensed our friendship getting rocky awhile ago but now that she’s absent, every time I call her she doesn’t seem to want to talk to me. I haven’t seen her all week and I would like to know what is going on with her. She doesn’t seem to want to know what’s going on with me, though. I hope she still cares…

I don’t know what to wear to the dance! It’s formal. Geuss what it’s called! The “Winter Wonderland Dance.” Corny! Who come’s up with these names?

I miss Becky. I always could count on her. She and I were always fighting but it never lasted. She always let me know if she was mad. Is Emily mad? Continue Reading

God, I don’t know. I don’t want to go to the dance, but I want to go to the dance. If I go, I don’t know who I’ll hang out with. Emily probably isn’t going ’cause she’s sick. I don’t want to hand around w/ Ana + Alexis. I suppose I’ll go afterall the third’s the charm. Maybe I’ll actually have fun at this one. I pray…

I geuss I’m having a sort of identity crisis. I mean, I know who I am, but I don’t know who my friends are. Is that an identity crisis. Cassie’s my friend, but whenever Alexis comes near, she just pulls all of Cassies attention away from me. Alexis is a BITCH! Even Ana, who is supposed to be on Alexis’ side is getting annoyed w/ Alexis. Poor Alexis I just feel so sorry for her. NOT! In band I was ready to makeup w/ her. The feeling has passed, thank god! I just hate fight with her or anyone. Fighting SUCKS!

It’s WW2 around here. Alexis is being nice to me and I’m being nice back but we hate each other!

If Alexis were president, everyone would be fighting all the time. We would probably be up to WW1,621 by now. I swear, she has to be right! All the time! Continue Reading

I’m so confused. Today I had the gate field trip to Berkeley. On the way there, I was sitting behind Chan, Scott, and Andy (and to the side, Chan was sitting sideways in his seat for the way there. I happened to look at him a few times and I realized I still like him. We made eye-contact a few times but it wasn’t like before when I really liked him.

Sitting in the seat behind + to the side of us was Tony F. and a hella fine black dude. When this was happening I still thought Jenell L. was going out w/ Tony (I later found out that Jennel dumped Tony). About 5/6 ways through the ride, Tony and the black dude traded seats w/ the guys were sitting in the seat next to us (me, Ana, Natalie). When Tony moved he said “hi” to me. (Tony is cute) I wonder why they moved!

The whole trip was pretty uneventful until the way back. We had to get in line to board the bus and we were in the end, so we didn’t get in our own seat. I ended up sitting with Jessica and Kristen N. I was on the end, so my butt was sliding off the seat. After I sat down, I realized that the seat next to me had Chan, Scott and Amy. Chan was on the side near me and I’ll bet his butt was sliding off too! So, for the whole ride my knee and calf was touching his! It was so nerve-wreaking!

HOW can I like him again? I still like Mike, Robbie and Kevin! I caught Chan looking at me a few times… Maybe its just that I used to like him so now I just think I like him. Help!

Ana asked Steve W. out! Continue Reading

This morning I lied to Mrs. J again. She wanted to see that my PE shirt was labeled, it wasn’t. It was just as embarressing as the first time, and that wasn’t even the worst of it. While I was changing, Mrs. J said she wanted to see me. I had played golie, and I really sucked. When I went to go see Mrs. J, she said that 2, I repeat 2 people said that I wasn’t trying my hardest. One of these people was on my team the other wasn’t. I know who one of the people was. Well, I think I know who it was. It was probably that bitch with the black short hair. She started acting totally guilty yesterday. I HATE her. I don’t really hate Mrs. J. she’s just confused and doesn’t know what to do. I wish she’d believe me. She probably hates me because I lied. All day, I was about to cry. I’m going to see a counselor tomorrow about a class change. Now I’m on Ashley G’s team. I’ll bet my last team wanted to win so badly they kicked me off. I HATE them. Except Denise I. I knew her in 4th grade and I know she remembers me. I hope she has had nothing to do with this plan of theirs.