I don’t know if I want to go to the Holiday Dance. It’s next month, but I don’t want it to turn out like the others. The others were to painful.

Originally Written on November 11, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Jeff M. asked me to the CCD dance. Well, not technically but sort of. He was complaining about how there was only 3 7th grade girls in his entire CCD class, and who was he going to dance with. Then he’s all to me, not Cassie, just me, “You can come, too if you bring enough food for 12 people.” Bryan, who is also in his CCD class, also chimed in, “Yeah, Snickers bars!” I don’t think Jeff was serious, but still…

On the way to school, while we were picking up Christy, Evan was talking about how Christy looks like she has the chicken pox. Christy heard the “pox” and Gloria made excuses for Evan. It was so funny.

Every time I see Mike H. he looks at me strangely. I swear after school I turned around and there he was. We walked a couple of steps looking at each other strangely. Then I realized Alexis, Ana, Jeff or anyone wasn’t there with me, and hurried back. I might like him. Emily says he’s kinda cute.

I don’t know if I want to go to the Holiday Dance. It’s next month, but I don’t want it to turn out like the others. The others were to painful. While Alexis was reading my diary, she saw the entries for the dance and something like, “It doesn’t matter if you dance w/ anyone or not.” Maybe not to her, but to me it’s a matter of how popular you are with the guys. She shouldn’t worry. She was always dancing w/ Jeff! How could she know how I feel? there are so many different groups: Continue Reading

She’s trying so hard to be friends w/ me almost to hard.

Originally Written on November 11, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Tonight I had my parent conference. My report card looked like: PreAlgebra – A, French B-, PE – D, History- B, LA – B+, Science – B. Which averaged to a 3.0! Have you ever seen such sucky grades? I don’t care, though. Next qtr. will be better, I swear. I got a 98% in Pre Algebra, and while I was talking w/ Mrs. Smith, she said that I should try for 100! That was my best grade and she wants better?! Oh, well. She’s going to get what she wants.

Today I went ice skating w/ Alexis and guessed who popped up? Erin C.! I don’t know that much about her, but she seems sweet! Anyway Alexis kept ditching me to go talk to her. Man, I was about to cry, I swear. I guess it is my turn, since Alexis and Emily left that way last night at ice skating.

Becky’s parent are getting a divorce! Becky must be going through such pain. I’m sorry I can’t be there for her, but I am in spirit. Continue Reading

Why don’t I look in front of my nose and like someone I have something in common with?

Originally Written on October 5, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Today was Christy’s b-day. Tamaras is on Sun. but she was celebrating it today. All last night Christy was telling peope “Tomorrow’s my b-day, get me a present.” She was just kidding but after awhile it got anoying. Actually, after the first time she did it it was annoying. I guess she and Tamara made an agreement that if Christy brough Tamara something Tamara would do the same. Poor Tamara. She’s stuck having Christy around. I’ve learned from a couple people that Christy has to hang around with different people on different days ’cause noone wants her around. That didn’t make sense did it? Oh well I need to find someone to like. All the time I’ve been chasing around liking people I don’t know to well, and I feel self-conscious around. Why don’t I look in front of my nose and like someone I have something in common with? Why can’t I like someone who might actually like me? Continue Reading

The relationship didn’t last long. He didn’t even know we were going out!

Originally Written on November 4, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

What a day! Because so much happened, I’ll start at the beginning and work my way through the day.

A°: ran a mile without stopping! When I told Mrs. A about it she said “Great” entusiastically. Then I almost started to cry, what a mood swing! Then Christy was asking about how hard it was for her to run the mile, sarcastically. She didn’t even do it! It really pissed me off! While I was testing for around the world Mike H commented on what a lousy shot I made which I did. He is so sweet! I made a corner shot, and the basket went Whoosh!

Advisement: nothing

1°: nothing

2°: Emily was absent and I forgot my flute. I’m going to to try out for the Berry sax. I hope I make it!

3°: Erica was absent. Nothing much happened.

4°: Natalie dumped Billy. He was really upset. I felt so bad for him. Natalie says that the reason she’s dumped him was because whenever the phone rings and her mom answers she gets really nervous because she’s not allowed to have a boyfriend. She’s so sweet! Continue Reading

I put on a pantyliner. I swear it feels like there’s a cow between your legs.

Originally Written on November 3, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Today was my second day with what might be my period. Mom say sometimes the vagina gives discharge for the hell of it. Would it do it for two days in a row? When I got home from school I noticed some more and I put on a pantyliner. I swear it feels like there’s a cow between your legs. For some reason I hope its my period. But if it’s not, OK well.

Nothing happening. Block is still my favorite class, because in it I have guy friends and it’s fun to know them.

In Francais I conversed with Mike H. again. He told me to go back to my seat. (again) Emily, I don’t like him! I for one don’t think we’d make a cute couple, like Emily says we would. Sure I’d go out with him if he asked, but for now I don’t like him! The funny part is whenever I see him with Becki or Alyssia, I get insanely jealous like with any other guys in the world. Guess who played basketball w/ us today. Scott! He’s so sweet. At the dance I saw him standing alone, while the other people in the cliche danced. My heart went out to him. I wanted to ask him to dance but I’m gutless. I see him like that alot. A little bit seperate from the rest of the cliche. He must feel horrible.

Last night I had the strangest dream. First Ana took Jeff M’s pencil and sharpened it wrong. Then Andrew C, Andy, Scott and Mike played basketball with it (don’t ask me how) and lost their game. Andrew, who was looking at a list pasted on a door called me over to him. Hoping he might ask me out, I wheeled over to him (for some reason I was in a wheel chair) and asked what he wanted. He started to yell at me, that since I sharpened the pencil wrong (which I didn’t, Ana did). I made him lose their game. Then Alyssia started stabbing me with a piece of clay. Continue Reading

She said that I will probably discontinue our friendship because I’m more advanced.

Originally Written on November 2, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

Tonight before ice skating I looked in my underwear and it was full of pus. Later I told Emily. She said that I will probably discontinue our friendship because I’m more advanced. I can really sympathize with her. She was really upset.

When I told Mom about it (just now) she showed me where her pantyliners are and asked me questions, like “is it red?” No, it was clear. gross, huh? She said “sometimes the vagina gives discharge for no reason. By the time I got out of there I was sweating gallons.

Onto a different subject… All today people were talking about how some guy liked me with the last name that began with “M”. I could win an emmy for that acting job since Emily told me after band that it was Jeff M. I had to pretend through to the end of lunch til I guessed it. Jeff knew that some guy liked me and wanted to know who. He kept denying it was him, without ever being accused! It was obvious Alexis (who started it) was right. She said all through our surprise presentation in block yesterday, Jeff was watching me. Great!

Anyway, he kept calling the guy who liked me a girl and it was so funny! He was calling himself a girl. It was hilarious.

Finally he found out it was him, and denied it (for the hundreth time!). Today was a tres bien day. a tout a l’heure! Continue Reading

Everyone in this cliche is always dancing w/ someone else in the cliche. It bothers me cause I want to be part of that cliche so bad I could die!

Originally Written on October 30, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

I hate school dances. I’m crying. The only guy I danced with was Jeff M. Alexis broke up with him today so it was okay. Ana asked him to dance with me. He was outside drinking when the song started, so we didn’t dance the whole song through. While we were dancing he asked,
How may people have you danced with?” Me: “Just you.” “What about the other dances?”

“Two guys in the sixth grade dance last time.”

“Why don’t you ask someone?”

“I don’t know.”

“I ask people I don’t even know!”

“Aren’t you afraid they’ll say no?”

“Noone’s said no yet”

“Oh” That made me feel really bad. Continue Reading

You will never believe what happened! I ran 3 laps w/out stopping!

Originally Written on October 28, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

You will never believe what happened! I ran 3 laps w/out stopping! I’ve never ran 2 let alone 3! Then I got to play basketball. I <3 PE! Except for one thing. Now that Emily and Alexis are out of PE, I get to hang around with Jessica, Christy and their new friend Nikki! Annoyance city! Jessica ad Christy are paying more attention to Nikki than to me! I hate being ignored!0

Tamara is having a party Saturday night and I’m not invited. I don’t exactly feel hurt, but… Emily says Tamara was only allowed to invite a limited amount of people, but still…

Alexis says she doesn’t want to go out with Jeff anymore but she doesnt want to dump him. Oh, well! Tomorrow I get to wear my costume to school. I <3 Halloween Tomorrow night I have the dance, and I still don’t know what to wear! C’est la vie! (I don’t care, Emily)

Toodaloo

Such a sunny send off complete with ridiculous smiley faces. I was 12, after all.

The day before yesterday Billy asked Kelly H. out and she said, “Kiss my ass!”

Originally Written on October 27, 1993
Posted on by Jennifer Heller

On Sun. Alexis, Jeff, Billy, and I were going to get together, right? Now, there’s a change in the plans. Billy is going to ask someone out so it will probably be a double date. The new plans don’t include me! What if Billy is going to ask me out? I don’t consider him more than a friend. The day before yesterday Billy asked Kelly H. out and she said, “Kiss my ass!” What a rejection. Billy’s been really upset. He can’t take another rejection! I can’t say no and I can’t say yes! What am I supposed to do? I am not interested in him at all romantically! He’s just a friend.

Later on…

Great news! Well, depends who you are. For Natalie, yes. Billy asked her out! O.K. news for me. Now I don’t have to worry about what to say, but it’s just another rejection. What does that make it the tenth? I can’t stop liking Andrew C. til I find someone else to like. But who?

What’s wrong with me? Is Alexis always going to get the guys? Am I going to have to go til High school without even being asked out? Well I’ve been asked out twice. But they were jokes. Again I ask, What’s Wrong with me? Last week Erica said to me, “plenty of guys like you.” If that’s so how come they don’t show it. I must attract all the shy ones. Rejected again!

Damn!